Are you at peace with God?, Larry replies, God and I are tight. Theres a nasty bug going around.Submitted by D.G. Youre being chased by a lion and theres a giraffe in the way in front of you. Since Margaret was gone several minutes, she felt the need to explain her absence to me: My friend and I arent able to spend much time together anymore because she is more decapitated than I am. Submitted by Vicki Alum, At a job review, my boss told me this year the company would compensate for inflation but that additional raises would be considered on a case-by-case basis. A friend and I were enjoying a coffee in our local haunt when an acquaintance stopped at our table and said, Hi, Ken. Yes, I said. "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? The cop replies: Then why do I smell wine?, The priest looks at the bottle and says: Good Lord! 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes I was wondering, why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets? Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Aidan on Instagram: "From killer hoco proposal, to killer hoco I couldn't put it down. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when hes done, poof, the light goes off?, Oh, no, exclaims Bonnie. Theres a smartass quote for that. Darlin.You're hotter than donut grease at a fat man convention. 50 of the best lines from Peep Show Nasty ex sniffing around? 100+ Laugh Out Loud Chuck Norris Jokes | Thought Catalog Ill call you back when youre alone. Jim Pietsch in The New York City Cab Drivers Joke Book, If I pay $40 for a haunted house I better die. @hodgesboi15, Have children while your parents are young enough to take care of them. Rita Rudner, A mom texts, Hi! The best way to make a serious impact with a smartass quote is to deliver it, turn on your heel, and walk away. No, he responded. Me: Yes. You couldn't hit a lake if you were standing at the bottom. He was a great vet. A secret agent was sent to Ireland to pick up sensitive information from an agent called Murphy. Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. The young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. Hold it in. When Im done, poof! Math teacher: If I have three bottles in one hand and two in the other hand, what do I have? In a normal tone, he asks, Honey, whats for supper?, So he moves to the other end of the room and repeats, Honey, whats for supper? Still no response. I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah. Well, he really gets a kick out of it. He tells the priest that on Friday night, hed been in the bar when he met a young woman. After a few moments, Bill says, "Hurry up . Try these funny birthday jokes! Marie Faustin, comedian. I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over. Milton Jones, Two fish are sitting in a tank. What did the left eye say to the right eye? I dont know why. 16. ._3oeM4kc-2-4z-A0RTQLg0I{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between} 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes Mr. As a Russian prepares to cross the Ukrainian border, the border guard asks, Occupation?. The older sister paused, then said, Spell mosquito. Unfortunately, by that point, the opportunity is long gone. My sister would be so proud of you! she declared. Women are like iPhones. Let me tell you something about honesty: My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case. Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadnt made any plans, and trying to figure out how the hell you hurt your back., 31. If you do not understand English, press 2. Recording on an Australian tax help line. Do you own a doghouse? He asks the dogs owner, Why on Earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?, The owner says, Because hes a liar! Well get ready, because Im about to be gorgeous., 27. A talking clock? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. Submitted by Mark Flowerdew, Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. you couldn't kick jokes - Johnnyroadtrip.com '", "Why did the old woman fall into the well? Want to know whether you should be kicking your lover to the curb? If you see any grizzly-bear droppings leave the area immediately.. Impress a history buff with these hilarious history jokes. What are you doing? Counting your ribs.Submitted by William Halliday. Sometimes, people just need to be told. Where are average things manufactured? Get Your Laugh on with these funny redneck sayings: He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Im addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want. Im talking to that little jerk on your knee!, Im always struck by the unbridled optimism of conspiracy theorists. No joke. This is one of the times in life when you should keep a straight face. She has published three web humor books and six calendars, including You Had One Job! This is my first day driving a cab. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? You wont believe these funny classified ads actually ran! A man tells his doctor, Help me. Thats the day when I take out the garbage., 16. Have trouble making it to the punchline? Alyshah Mehdi, a 19-year-old from Karachi, Pakistan, has been friends with a guy named Shayyan for a while, but lately, they've had "beef going on" between them, she told BuzzFeed News. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. @dadsaysjokes, If I were Maria in The Sound of Music and I heard them sing How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria at my wedding, I would be like, Why are you singing that mean song about me, and why do all of you know it? Youre about to hit a home run and you want to jump in the air and scream yes! because for once you know exactly what to say. How do you know? My dog told me.Submitted by Sourabh Bhatia, A man with a huge grin approaches a priest. Then they responded, confused, Excuse me, maam, but youre at Tim Hortons. Submitted by Wendy Singedonk. Corny Dad Jokes We're Embarrassed to Admit Made Us Laugh, 30 Nerd Jokes for People Who Embrace Their Inner Smarty-Pants, These Funny Math Jokes Truly Have No Equal, 20 Smart and Funny Examples of the Nerd Meme, 25 Parents Who Expertly Trolled Their Kids, You Won't Believe These Hilarious Tinder Pickup Lines Actually Worked, The 15 Funniest Harry Potter "Yo Mama" Jokes, 18 Super Funny and Creative Business Cards, Best Anti-Gun Jokes and One-Liners About Gun Control. The bouncer says, "You can't come in here with a dog." on Instagram: "' Why couldn't the defensive football player pass his test in school? Everyone loves a smartass, whether they want to admit it or not. You should be seeing a psychiatrist, The guys replies, I am seeing a psychiatrist., The dentist says, Well then what are you doing here?. I kill their plants and I love mischief. He said Thanks! I said Dont mention it., I was playing chess with my friend and he said, Lets make this interesting. He thinks for a second before saying, Food bad., Its the big day, a decade later. Thanks to them, it's easier than ever to memorize one or two quips to fill those awkward silences at your next backyard barbecue. Your mileage may vary. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. -Marilyn Monroe, 38. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says 'Plethora. Im just mean and people think Im joking., 35. Thats my twin sister. ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{background-color:#fff;box-shadow:0 0 0 1px rgba(0,0,0,.1),0 2px 3px 0 rgba(0,0,0,.2);transition:left .15s linear;border-radius:57%;width:57%}._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS:after{content:"";padding-top:100%;display:block}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:start;justify-content:flex-start;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-navIconFaded10);border:2px solid transparent;border-radius:100px;cursor:pointer;position:relative;width:35px;transition:border-color .15s linear,background-color .15s linear}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-navIconFaded10)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-active)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-buttonAlpha10)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1asGWL2_XadHoBuUlNArOq{border-width:2.25px;height:24px;width:37.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1asGWL2_XadHoBuUlNArOq ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:19.5px;width:19.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1hku5xiXsbqzLmszstPyR3{border-width:3px;height:32px;width:50px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1hku5xiXsbqzLmszstPyR3 ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:26px;width:26px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._10hZCcuqkss2sf5UbBMCSD{border-width:3.75px;height:40px;width:62.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._10hZCcuqkss2sf5UbBMCSD ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:32.5px;width:32.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1fCdbQCDv6tiX242k80-LO{border-width:4.5px;height:48px;width:75px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1fCdbQCDv6tiX242k80-LO ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:39px;width:39px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._2Jp5Pv4tgpAsTcnUzTsXgO{border-width:5.25px;height:56px;width:87.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._2Jp5Pv4tgpAsTcnUzTsXgO ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:45.5px;width:45.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI{-ms-flex-pack:end;justify-content:flex-end;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-active)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{cursor:default}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{box-shadow:none}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-buttonAlpha10)} Thanks! "couldn't organise a "? - Google Groups Its not a gong. A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. What else do you want? Id love to have a red Porsche, he says. She then reassured him by adding, Now, if you do everything Ive told you, you wont be with us for long.. 14. Funny Husband Wife Joke Gift - 11 OZ Coffee Mug. We missed the R! I steal food from humans. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. Cant you take a joke? Im okay, he says, but I didnt like the four-letter word the doctor used during surgery. What did he say? the nurse asks. Ten what? Finally, after wed seen all 20 poses, he asked me which ones I was most interested in. Whod want to fly an airline that doesnt go all the way? 58 Seriously Messed Up Jokes You'll Feel Guilty Laughing At I used to be freaked out too when I was alive. Ive never seen anyone run that fast! Crocker, you are just fine!. Submitted by Barthelemy Petro. Dont miss these hilarious real life prank stories! The last thing grandpa said before he kicked the bucket? An officer comes across a man who is clearly under the influence. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. Young children have a unique superpower: place a toddler in a queen-sized bed and they will find a sleeping position that ensures no one else can fit in there with them. These wiseand often hilariousquotes from The Good Place can be applied to everyday life! ._1x9diBHPBP-hL1JiwUwJ5J{font-size:14px;font-weight:500;line-height:18px;color:#ff585b;padding-left:3px;padding-right:24px}._2B0OHMLKb9TXNdd9g5Ere-,._1xKxnscCn2PjBiXhorZef4{height:16px;padding-right:4px;vertical-align:top}.icon._1LLqoNXrOsaIkMtOuTBmO5{height:20px;vertical-align:middle;padding-right:8px}.QB2Yrr8uihZVRhvwrKuMS{height:18px;padding-right:8px;vertical-align:top}._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0{font-size:14px;font-weight:500;line-height:18px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)}._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 ._1LLqoNXrOsaIkMtOuTBmO5,._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 ._2B0OHMLKb9TXNdd9g5Ere-,._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 ._1xKxnscCn2PjBiXhorZef4,._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 .QB2Yrr8uihZVRhvwrKuMS{fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)} Got anything less expensive?Submitted by Rosemary Covert, Snake 1: Are we poisonous? Next time you're at a loss for words, try out one of these one-liners andwatch your popularity soar!*. Funny Science Jokes: Hilarious Science Jokes Nerds Will Love | Reader's The Hepatitis Bee. Milton Jones, Hedgehogs why cant they just share the hedge? Dan Antolpolski, The pollen count, now thats a difficult job. "Dad comes to his son and tells him he's adopted. Why couldn't the all-star football player listen to music? Who knows, we might be able to! After they were caught, they finished each others sentences. She glares at the other little boy and asks, What do you want for breakfast? The captain comes ashore and notices three huts. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. One night, while we were out for supper at a Mediterranean restaurant, my sister-in-law had a question about one of the appetizers. Well-dressed, with a flower pinned to his lapel, he cut a suave figure. As they are walking out of the restaurant, Jenna starts to rifle through her purse to find her keys. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners "A thief broke into the police headquarters during the night and took all the toilets. She made a mistake, however, when she accused her neighbour George of being an alcoholic after spotting his pickup parked in front of a bar one afternoon. Dont drink that, I said. . Reddit.com. 55 Funny Food Jokes And Puns That Kids Will Relish - Fatherly ', The wife smiles, and says 'Thank you, that means a lot.'". Why did I have to learn what a rhombus is? Thats when I realized he was her favourite twin. The priest begins: When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Later, they order an other round. What do you say I just buy the necklace and we forget this ever happened? The manager agrees and writes up a sales slip. In other words, how many chicken does it take to change a light bulb? Says the chicken, Sorry, but thats the subject of another joke.Submitted by Gary Johnston. The gentleman walked over, sat beside her, ordered a drink, then turned to her to ask, Tell me, good-looking, do I come here often?Submitted by Bill Warren. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. I said 40. ", "How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? "You can't make somebody love you. Hes done it again!, When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Could fuck up a two car funeral. Is that you?. Me: 2011. After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. Sadly, female airline pilots are still relatively rare. Laughfactory.com, Anyone want to buy some exercise equipment? 2023 Readers Digest Magazines Ltd. - All rights reserved, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Compiled by Andy Simmons, RD.com and Robert Liwanag, readersdigest.ca. Check out more bad dad jokes from Twitter that will have you chuckling. Without hesitation, the man says: Never mind, I found one!, I dont want to achieve immortality through my work. Smartass quotes. ", "What do you call someone who graduates last in their class from Med school? My computer's got the Miley virus. Tig Notaro, comedian. The landlady answers. Not yet.. At your age, I wouldnt touch alcohol! Detector: Beep. Mother laughs: Ha! A dog is a bitch, dogs bark. *Results not guaranteed. Don't be the person to initiate that. I just couldnt do it anymore. I was involved in very organised crime. Milton Jones, I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper dicing with death. Tim Vine. Keep your voice steady, avoid sounding too pleased with yourself, and deliver the line with a straight face. 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes Seeing that she is getting upset, Bill comments, Come on. .s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);padding-top:5px}.s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f._19JhaP1slDQqu2XgT3vVS0{color:#ea0027} Ill ask your sister. My New Years resolution is to get in shape. 50 of the funniest Friends quotes and jokes. 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Find out the 10 things you should never say to a Canadian. The walls are so clean you cant run up them. I cant, says the poodle. Nature is beautiful and so am I. ", "I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster. The photographer started describing the merits of each photo, but as he went through the set, he rattled off his sales pitch so quickly that I couldnt get a word in. 8. Mom: How make chicken Daughter: What? One day I had to call someone about a late book entitled Dont Forget: Easy Exercises for a Better Memory. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? Diddly-squats. Sometimes life leads you astray with no one to turn to. Love is grand, until it isnt. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast. ), I was driving when I first saw the flash of a traffic camera. Thats why the suit is such a bargain, the sales clerk explained. But instead of yelping with delight, the little boy burst into tears. Now hes the village blacksmith. Im not insulting you, Im describing you., 39. These smartass quotes about breakups are sure to help you out. It all happened so fast., A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see whos best at his job. But in honour of Saint Patrick, I thought Id buy you a sham-rock.Anonymous, My wifes clinic called my home number to tell me that they couldnt accept 911 as her emergency contact. One said: Oo, oo, aah. The other replied:Put some cold in then. Harry Hill, My friend says to me: What rhymes with orange? I said: No it doesnt!, You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? I was always told it was piss in the boot. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room filled with toys. Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, flies around the building, then finally returns to his seat with a triumphant smile. Now he wont come when I call him. It can be a potent form of flirtation and seduction. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, I quit., Im not surprised, the head monk says. Want to grab a drink? he asks the centipede, but theres no answer from the box. Thats Mums side.. The fact that hed been dead for 40 years didnt sway the rep. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?, Well, yes, she said reluctantly. He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. Why does my brother always attack my knees playfully? A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. I really thought you already knew. [Read: 45 Saddest lost love quotes for the broken-hearted], 41. Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldnt have started with the circumcision.. Whenever we'd start talking and she didn't want to hear it she would sing, "Oh the monkey wrapped his tail around the flag pole, to wipe his butt hole, and see the world! Local man killed by falling piano. Im not very good at advice. 2. If you laugh at these dark jokes, youre probably a genius. ._12xlue8dQ1odPw1J81FIGQ{display:inline-block;vertical-align:middle} Hes a catholic converter. Tim Vine. When the Tooth fairy comes to your house she takes your tooth and gives you money. I want to provide you with some questions to invite reflection and conversation. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. One day, I saw him reach for the glass of dandelion water and stopped him just before he drank from it. All Im saying is, if you caught me, then you were speeding too., 44. Why? Lets explore the role of humor in an intimate relationship. A vegan said to me, People who sell meat are gross!, I said, People who sell veggies are grocer. Adele Cliff, comedian. Whenever we'd start talking and she didn't want to hear it she would sing, "Oh the monkey wrapped his tail around the flag pole, to wipe his butt hole, and see the world!!". Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister.". BBLTHRW. I think my friend is dead! he yells. How far do you think I can kick this bucket. Submitted by C.A. 100 of Homer Simpsons greatest quotes A: Copies. Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.. you couldn't kick jokes where is madeira citrine mined. Two men are adrift in a lifeboat for days. Im coming over to live with you. To which her mother replies, No, no, darling. So now I got me a wooden peg., When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. You Couldn't Handle Me Even If I Came With Instructions - Amazon.com Well, if they liked having one of you, they must be even happier now. Actually, she replied, the manager was telling my sister that she was such a good worker that he wished he could clone her. Amazing! the man says. Submitted by Rita Hickey, A little boy was sitting beside me in the hospital waiting room. I used to be addicted to soap, but Im clean now. After a few minutes, the bird yells, Wheres my scotch? 52. I laughed at all of your jokes My love you didn't need to coax Oh, Maggie, I couldn't have tried anymore . Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. All rights reserved. ", "I'll never forget my grandfather's last words to me before he kicked the bucket. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Bless me father, for I have sinned, he says. When the server showed up to take our order, she asked, Where do you get your mussels? The young waitress blushed, looked sheepishly at her biceps and quietly answered, Cross-training?Submitted by Dan Grabke, Q: Whats Edith Piafs favourite airline? You can only stalk them and hope for the best. [Read:55 funny quotes about love and all its complications], 6. I typed Bitch into my GPS and guess what? 'I knew it! I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice [Read: Ready to charm? The man stands up, clears his throat, and says 'Plethora.'. /*# sourceMappingURL=https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/chunkCSS/TopicLinksContainer.3b33fc17a17cec1345d4_.css.map*/, A standard British one is "You couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery.". @keyframes _1tIZttmhLdrIGrB-6VvZcT{0%{opacity:0}to{opacity:1}}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd,.HQ2VJViRjokXpRbJzPvvc{--infoTextTooltip-overflow-left:0px;font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;padding:3px 9px;position:absolute;border-radius:4px;margin-top:-6px;background:#000;color:#fff;animation:_1tIZttmhLdrIGrB-6VvZcT .5s step-end;z-index:100;white-space:pre-wrap}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd:after,.HQ2VJViRjokXpRbJzPvvc:after{content:"";position:absolute;top:100%;left:calc(50% - 4px - var(--infoTextTooltip-overflow-left));width:0;height:0;border-top:3px solid #000;border-left:4px solid transparent;border-right:4px solid transparent}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd{margin-top:6px}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd:after{border-bottom:3px solid #000;border-top:none;bottom:100%;top:auto} After my husband injured himself, I ran him over to the doctors office. I also drink a case of whisky a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise. Thats amazing, the woman said. Here, boy, he replies. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. Nurse: When? Dont go through life unprepared! Want more of the best Readers Digest jokes of all time? Couldn't organise a blow-job in a brothel. A hobo knocks on the door of the St. George and the Dragon Inn. Ill grant you three wishes, the genie says. | Youre not trying to get a laugh in most cases, youre trying to insult. Whats your secret for a long, happy life? I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, he said. They got six months each. Alex Del Bene. The first guy says, Lets go in there for a pint., The second guy says, They wont let us in with our dogs., First guy: Sure they will, just follow my lead., He goes up to the pub, and sure enough, the bouncer says, I cant let you in here with that dog., He replies, Oh, Im blind and this is my seeing-eye dog., The second guy sees this and does the same thing. A car hit an elderly man. One looks over at the other and says: Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?. 79. ', Dad replies, 'We are your real parents, son. All jokes aside, I am so grateful for you" I figured her sister must also be in the airline business, so I smiled and asked why. The steaks are too high. Submitted by Tommy Cooper, As an assisted-living caregiver, I have a 92-year-old client, Margaret, with whom I bake cookies. Then, it hit me. Listen, the crook says, you dont want any trouble, and neither do I. A mother asks her young sons what they want for breakfast. Its a talking clock, the drunk replied. I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight. The wife says that yes, he could. Doctor: Oh, we are in this together. Aye matey.. I asked him, Whats the word on the street?. He never did any of that!, I tried having my mothers phone disconnected, but customer service told me that since the account was in my dads name, hed have to be the one to put in the request. If you ran as much as you ran your mouth, youd be in great shape., 43. !" It was a long, dramatic, drawn-out way of telling us to shut-up. Now were going to have to pee in the boat.. . I love this saying: An intimate relationship is improved by the two or three things we dont say each day. Hes telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. BEWARE OF DOG! I never even listen when you tell me them. Check out more funny examples of irony in real life. The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. This was because he wanted to make sure that their knee-caps were alright! "What's the the best thing about living in Switzerland? Check out our all-time funniest work jokes. My dog is so smart, says the first owner, that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He knows I have poor eyesight, so Hes fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!
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