(Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? 4. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. How tough? Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! If you cant pick it up, paint it. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? I heard this one from my basic training company commander. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? 5. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? USMC: OHH! We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? 4. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. We were a tough group. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. Altitude is life insurance. 10. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. Rodrigues there? I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. 33. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. 40. I just put them all together for your amusement. Ive been sandblasted.. March forth! 4. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Did you hear about the big accident on base? After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? "They're all mine. (Hang up. 50. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . 30. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. 11. A LOOtenant! But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Coast Guard Jokes - LiveAbout 2. 32. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes - PPRuNe Forums 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Im 81 years old, he answered. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. He says, Anyway, enough about me. Speed is life. Countdown to Iditarod 2023: Tributes, jokes and celebrations as mushers Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. I say again, stand down and divert your course. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. 34. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. I was very nervous, she said. ! Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. 6. 15. He then made his way to my side. He had the same plane as yours. Do you have change for a dollar? You had tents?, USAF: Birds All you have to do is remove the dirt.. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? Attention! Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Auld Lang Slice 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. The Blonde Fighter Pilot What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Caller: Is Sgt. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. Do not attempt to shave with fire. F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. USA: Choppers Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". The Lasting Supper But I had the last laugh. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. From the Squawk Sheets - F-16 Chicago. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. I was the tallest guy in line. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. The two lads objected strongly. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. What are you doing? I asked. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Killed bin Laden. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. 42. Its not weak, he replied. Stay out of clouds. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. 2. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. I will take the both of you for a ride. Rodrigues? He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Funny Aviation Jokes - BEST FUNNY JOKES Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! 11. You divertyour course! During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. R-i-i-ing!) From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. This is really good, he said. Caller: OK. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. ! Again, no reply. Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor What do hungry Marines eat? Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. 1. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. Heres what they came up with: Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway".